IkkyG (youwantromance3) wrote in rpattz_trufax,

RPattz Trufax!

RPattz is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

• The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep RPattz out. It failed miserably.

• Contrary to popular belief, RPattz, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

• Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. RPattz has 72... and they're all dazzling

• If you ask RPattz what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

• RPAttz drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

• When RPattz sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. RPattz has not had to pay taxes, ever.

• The quickest way to a man's heart is with RPattz' fist.

• There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures RPattz allows to live.

• RPattz once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

• What was going through the minds of all of RPattz' victims before they died? His shoe.

• RPattz is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

• Police label anyone attacking RPattz as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

• RPattz doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
• RPattz once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

• RPattz has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

• RPattz is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like RPattz.

• In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then RPattz turned that wine into beer.

• RPattz can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

• RPattz does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

• When RPattz goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

RPattz once challenged Superman to an arm wrestle. The conditions of the bout stipulated the loser had to wear underpants on the outside of their uniform
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