one track mind like a goldfish. (daydreamrachey) wrote in rpattz_trufax,

the original list!

The Original Robert Pattinson Facts List:

created 4/9/08

Robert Pattinson has more friends than Tom.

Robert Pattinson can sparkle and dazzle simultaneously.

made by kristaynuh

Robert Pattinson can dazzle you with his eyes closed.

Robert Pattinson can make trees bend to him by *sparkling*.

Robert Pattinson bleeds glitter and cries topaz.

Robert Pattinson is the original Firecrotch.

FACT: Robert Pattinson can actually rip up floorboards just by sliding across them.

Fact: If you have a milkshake, and Robert Pattinson has a milkshake, and Robert Pattinson has a straw that reaches across the room, he drinks your milkshake.

Robert Pattinson can *dazzle* you with his eyes closed.

Robert Pattinson's penis really is made out of granite.

Robert Pattinson will cut your brakes, because he loves you.

A Klondike Bar would do anything for Robert Pattinson

There's only one man Chuck Norris was ever afraid of, and that's Edward Motherfucking Cullen.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Robert Pattinson.

Rihanna's umbrella (ella ella) can stand under ROBERT PATTINSON

Robert Pattinson is in the sky with diamonds.

Robert Pattinson beat Guitar Hero III the other day. (Poor lil GH3. I hope he's doing okay down in ICU)

In Communist Russia, you don't smoke crack. Robert Pattinson does.


made by imamonsterr

Beef asks, "Where is the Robert Pattinson?"

Robert Pattinson simply walks into Mordor.

In Robert Pattinson, you can always find a party.

Robert Pattinson got to third base with the Virgin Mary but God got in the way. Robert Pattinson now sides with the Devil.

Weapons of mass destruction weren't found in Iraq, they were found in Robert Pattinson’s pants.

The leading twinkle lights claim they can dazzle 99.99 percent of people..
Robert Pattinson can dazzle 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

Bruce Campbell borrowed his Boomstick from Robert Pattinson.

Robert Pattinson squared a circle with his penis.

Robert Pattinson caused global warming.

Robert Pattinson forgot Sarah Marshall.

Robert Pattinson told John Locke what he can't do

Robert Pattinson found Carmen Sandiego, but he's not telling where.

Robert Pattinson is the state of nature.

If you have five dollars and Robert Pattinson has five dollars, Robert Pattinson has more money than you.

When Robert Pattinson falls in water, Robert Pattinson doesn't get wet. Water gets Robert Pattinson.

Robert Pattinson defies gravity. Frequently.

4 minutes to save the world? RPattz only needs a second

When Descartes attempted to derive God from the cogito, what he really meant to derive was Robert Pattinson.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Robert Pattinson pajamas.
Robert Pattinson is the 9th Wonder of the World, he just doesn't like to tell people.

It is obvious that O.J. Simpson didn't commit those murders, Robert Pattinson did.

Robert Pattinson is the smoke monster.

Robert Pattinson can believe it's not butter.

Jacques Derrida said, "There is nothing outside the text...except Robert Pattinson."

The cloverfield monster is Robert Pattinson's dog

Robert Pattinson destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of ~dazzle~.

Robert Pattinson is the original HBIC.

Robert Pattinson can lick his elbow

Robert Pattinson knows what Willis is talking about

Robert Pattinson blasted Pompeii. They didn't dazzle him enough

Robert Pattinson found Nemo.

Robert Pattinson put those motherfuckin snakes on that motherfuckin plane.

Robert Pattinson is the goddamn Batman.

Robert Pattinson can make a lying promise without implying a contradiction.

Nobody puts Robert Pattinson in a corner.

Hitler has only got one ball, The other is in the Albert Hall Robert Pattinson.

Robert Pattinson saw Goody Bishop with the Devil.

Robert Pattinson wrote the bestseller "Dazzling For Dummies"

Robert Pattinson can climb every mountain

Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Robert Pattinson ~dazzles~ you, your relatives will feel it.

Robert Pattinson killed Cedric Diggory

Robert Pattinson can put Baby in a corner.

Robert Pattinson is not just being Miley, Miley is just being Robert Pattinson.

The easiest way to determine Robert Pattinson's age is to cut him in half and count the rings.

An apple a day keeps Robert Pattinson away.

Robert Pattinson let the dogs out.

Michael Jackson had so much surgery because he wanted to dazzle like Robert Pattinson. Obvz, he failed, because Robert Pattinson is ~one of a kind~.

The Bible was originally titled "Robert Pattinson and Friends"

Robert Pattinson counts his chickens before they hatch.

Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Robert Pattinson. He only has two needs: ~dazzling~ people and finding people to ~dazzle~.

Pluto isn't a dwarf planet, it's just smaller than one of Robert Pattinson's balls.

Murphy's Law: Whatever can go wrong, will Robert Pattinson.

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Robert Pattinson ~*~dazzle will liquify your kidneys.

Robert Pattinson knows what love's got to do with it.

Robert Pattinson does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Robert Pattinson.

Put Robert Pattinson in your pipe and smoke it.

Robert Pattinson isn't just Pretty in Pink, he is Mindblowing in Pink.

Robert Pattinson talks about Fight Club.

Robert Pattinson plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.

Robert Pattinson killed Tupac because Tupac didn't ~*~Dazzle him

Robert Pattinson is your father.

Robert Pattinson can walk on water.

Robert Pattinson shot the sheriff.

Robert Pattinson once shot himself ten times just to prove 50 Cent is a bitch.

Robert Pattinson wrote "Candle in the Wind" about himself.

Robert Pattinson grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Robert Pattinson doesn't need instructions to program his VCR.

Robert Pattinson can out-Vogue Madonna.

Robert Pattinson got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Robert Pattinson for every answer.

Love stops in the name of Robert Pattinson.

Thanks to Robert Pattinson, no one remembers the Alamo.

Robert Pattinson shot J.R.

Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Robert Pattinson is looking for it.

Robert Pattinson was Deep Throat.

Robert Pattinson killed a man in Reno just to watch him die.

Robert Pattinson does not have to get with your friends in order to be your lover.

Robert Pattinson asked for a love song. Sara Bareilles wrote it.

Carly Simon wrote 'You're So Vain' about Robert Pattinson.

Robert Pattinson can divide by zero.

Robert Pattinson can lead a horse to water and make him drink.

Robert Pattinson stole the cookie from the cookie jar.

Geraldo Rivera found Robert Pattinson in Al Capone's vault.

Robert Pattinson can have his cake and eat it too.

Robert Pattinson knows the solution to global warming. He just won't tell because he enjoys the sun -it makes him sparkle.

Robert Pattinson can't speak french..
just kidding.

Robert Pattinson created

Yes, Robert De Niro, Robert Pattinson is talking to you.

Robert Pattinson was the sixth member of the Breakfast Club.

Robert Pattison can dazzle faster than the speed of light.

Robert Pattinson listens to bands that don't even exist yet.

Robert Pattinson shot Andy Warhol.

Robert Pattinson shot John Lennon.

Robert Pattinson is the only person who knows the recipe for Coke.

Robert Pattinson knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

Robert Pattinson pissed in a bottle.
This product is now known as "Vitamin Water"

The active ingredient in rat poison is Robert Pattinson.

If you ask Robert Pattinson what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he ~dazzles~ you.

Robert Pattinson did not lose his virginity, he stalked and destroyed it with extreme prejudice.

God just changed his name to Robert Pattinson.

Robert Pattinson brought sexy back.

Robert Pattinson sees Haley's Comet more than once in a lifetime. He sees it every day of his life.

Robert Pattinson does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.

Robert Pattinson burns ants with the reflections off his skin..
at night.

made by flopsy_cotton
If you spell Robert Pattinson in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Robert Pattinson once talked shit on myspace and got lured to his friend's house for a gang beating.
There were no survivors.

Jesus loves me, this I know. Because Robert Pattinson told him if he didn't, he'd beat his ass with a sandal.

Robert Pattinson rocks you like a hurricane.

Robert Pattinson is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Robert Pattinson.

Robert Pattinson once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Robert Pattinson could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Robert Pattinson built and wrote the stairway to heaven.

"People should not be afraid of their governments, their governments should be afraid of Robert Pattinson."

MySpace takes Robert Pattinson pictures.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Robert Pattinson.

Robert Pattinson can touch MC Hammer.

The rum is gone because of Robert Pattinson.

They just changed the words in the Pledge of Allegiance. We are now "one nation under Robert Pattinson."

Osama bin Laden is hiding from Robert Pattinson.

Robert Pattinson once ate three steaks in an hour. He spent the first forty-five minutes having sex with the waitress.

Zac Efron bets on Robert Pattinson.

The Time Warp does The Robert Pattinson.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Robert Pattinson likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

Robert Pattinson can turn back time.

Robert Pattinson can unplug a cordless phone.

Robert Pattinson is Keyser Soze.

Robert Pattinson has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
He also won the 1983 series of poker, despite being born in 1986.

On his birthday, Robert Pattinson randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Hellen Keller's favorite color is Robert Pattinson.

Robert Pattinson ordered a Chulupa at Wendy's, and got one.

Robert Pattinson ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

When Robert Pattinson has sex with a man, it won't be because he's gay. It will be because he ran out of women.

Robert Pattinson once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of ~*~dazzle~*~

Robert Pattinson de-flowered The 40-Year-Old Virgin.

Robert Pattinson is the reason Will Smith moved in with his auntie and uncle in Bel Air.

Robert Pattinson doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Robert Pattinson. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

Robert Pattinson was one of the spice girls, but they kicked him out for overshadowing the others.

Robert Pattinson made Peter Pan grow up.

On the first day, Robert Pattison created God.

Robert Pattinson is both the chicken and the egg.

When Robert Pattinson says he put his blood sweat and tears in to something, he means it.

A high tide means Robert Pattinson is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.

The light at the end of the tunnel is actually Robert Pattinson.

Robert Pattinson drove his Chevy to the levy, and the levy was full.

Robert Pattinson can install Windows Vista on a Macbook.

Robert Pattinson doesn't own a house, he walks into random ones and the owners are happy to leave.

Robert Pattinson does not have AIDS but gives it to people anyway.

Robert Pattinson wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Robert Pattinson knows what a "ziga-zig-ahh" is.

Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Robert Pattinson doesn't like Fudge Ripple.

Robert Pattinson is America's Next Top Model.

Robert Pattinson doesn't have blood. Magma runs through his veins.

Alice Cullen's precognitive abilities are based on Robert Pattinson's actual precognitive abilities.

Robert Pattinson was gonna pay his child support..........
..............but then he got high.

Robert Pattinson beat Shaq and Aaron Carter.

Robert Pattinson is the Last of the Mohicans.

We wouldn't like Robert Pattinson when he's angry.

If Robert Pattinson bought Livejournal, it would become IKickYourAssJournal.

Robert Pattinson can dazzle the sun.

Robert Pattinson had a baby, and Alan Rickman was born.

Robert Pattinson invented the scroll function.

The real 'ladiesman217' is Robert Pattinson.
He doesn't know where the glasses are either.

The Juno soundtrack is a practical joke played on the world by Robert Pattinson.

The world is, indeed, not enough for Robert Pattinson.

Robert Pattinson has two Fendi purses, and a silver Lexus.

Robert Pattinson has fallen and can't get up.

Polaroid pictures shake it like Robert Pattinson.

Robert Pattinson killed the dinosaurs.

Robert Pattinson completed ontd_twilight's member application in less than a week.

Robert Pattinson gangbanged the Jonas Brothers and all he got was a lousy T-shirt.

Robert Pattinson was once on Mount Rushmore.
They had to carve over him because he ~~dazzled~~ too much.

Earthquakes are caused by Robert Pattinson's ability to make the earth tremble with fear.

Robert Pattinson is a 5-calorie snack.

A boggart's boggart is Robert Pattinson

Paris Hilton's lazy eye is just a side effect of being *~DAZZLED*~ by Robert Pattinson.

Robert Pattinson don't want none unless u got bunzzzzzzzz hun.

Robert Pattinson cares about black people.

Robert Pattinson is the walrus.

The only person Kanye West is humble towards is Robert Pattinson.

Robert Pattinson made Amy Winehouse go to rehab.

Robert Pattinson took your momma out tonight and showed her what it's all about.

Robert Pattinson's granite penis put a hole in the O-zone layer.

When LJ goes offline it's because Robert Pattinson just updated his livejournal.

Robert Pattinson ate Cedric Diggory's liver with some fava beans and a nice cayante.

Daniel Plainview is impotent because of Robert Pattinson.

Robert Pattinson's got hoes in different area codes.

Robert Pattinson created TwilightMoms just to figure out how many possible women he can impregnate.

Robert Pattinson took Dorthy Mantooth out for a nice seafood dinner and never called her again.

Viagra is made of Robert Pattinson's dead skin cells.

In kindergarten Robert Pattinson killed terrorists and snipers for show and tell.

Robert Pattinson is the wing beneath my wings.

There is no night and day. Only Robert Pattinson saying "lumos"

Rumor has it, you can ask Robert Pattinson to re-instate your virginity through his Holy Divinity.

Robert Pattinson is fucking Matt Damon...
......and Ben Affleck.

made by kristaynuh
Robert Pattinson is never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down, Never gonna run around and desert you.

Idol Gave Back to Robert Pattinson.

Robert Pattinson caused the Writer's Strike.

Cher believes in life after Robert Pattinson.

Uwe Boll got the Academy Award for best director for filming the contents of Robert Pattinson's trash can.

What do you tell a Bella with two black eyes? Nothing, Robert Pattinson's already told her twice.

made by cosimia

The original plan for the first gps system was to track Robert Pattinson's every movement.

Robert Pattinson wobbles but he doesn't fall down.

Robert Pattinson has a mother who's a hamster and a father who smelled of elderberries.

Robert Pattinson made Oprah fat.

Robert Pattinson executed Anne Boleyn.

Robert Pattinson is the father of Jamie Lynn's baby.

Robert Pattinson doesn't keep bleeding love, love keeps bleeding Robert Pattinson.

One day Rpattz walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

Rpattz is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. He claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rpatts and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Robert Pattinson knows Victoria's Secret.

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